Sunday, March 07, 2010

eMoTioNaL CLuTTeR

Emotions are riding high, but they come at odd times. Most of the days I am fine with my friends. Maybe I mask it? I don’t know. I break down at odd times, and then feel guilty for breaking down. Nothing’s bad in my life. My husband has a job. My children do not have life-threatening illnesses. We are all healthy, we love one another, we will be taken care of. There is nothing to be afraid of. But still. I get emotional. Sad, scared, not really worried though because I believe that everything will be taken care of, but, well, maybe I do get worried. Worried that the house won’t sell, or worried the kids will get there and they won’t make friends right away, or they’ll be bored.

I break when I tell random people we’re moving for no reason at all. Like I’m OK with my friends who I see all of the time, and then I was at Tukey’s basketball game and he’s playing with all his second grade buddies and I’m video-taping and thinking, “This is the last time he will play basketball with these guys," and then I get sad. I’m sad right now writing that. Or I was at the health club and run into my next door neighbor who is great, but we never see him and I ask him if he had a chance to talk to my husband yet, and he gives me the look so I know he knows we’re moving, and then I just start to cry. And it’s not like I even talk to this guy all this much. I mean he’s a great neighbor, but not one I’m going to miss or keep in contact with. And then, a friend’s mom, who I’ve met once, tells me she knows what’s going on and how stressful it is and that she’s been praying for us, and I lose it then. I mean, how awesome is it that this woman, who only knows me because of what my friend tells her, is taking her time to pray for us and what we’re going through? That’s the kind of stuff that makes me cry and feel sad, but it’s also all this kind of stuff that makes you feel loved in the world and not alone too.

The instructor at the health club was talking to me the other day and I was explaining about the move and she asked if I’ve moved much. I told her my story:

Florida from birth to 16, then to Illinois.

Illinois to Philly from the ages of 29 to 35.

Philly to Illinois from 35 to now.

Now I will be moving to Phoenix.

The instructor, Donna, said I was creating a spiritual web. I joked that I was a Spiritual Spider. I have no idea why. Whatever. Ajers just came in and totally interrupted my train of thought and the tears. He asked if I was hormonal and emotional about the move. The kids are being great about this. Every time they see me getting teary, they come over to make sure that I’m OK and just are being great. If it weren’t for their excitement over all of this, well, I don’t know.

The realtor has been here. We are changing out our appliances to all stainless steel in the kitchen. The house should be on the market in about two weeks. We’ve been decluttering like maniacs, and I should probably be popping pills like a crack addict but I’m not.

The day the FOR SALE sign gets pounded into the ground though, all bets are off.

8 comments:

Cheryl said...

Oh Stephanie! I think you have every right to be nervous/scared/etc. I'm here if you need to talk, unfortunately, I've moved a lot. :(

Feisty Irish Wench said...

FLYLady has a good list for packing/moving on the site. I've moved a bunch and this is the longest we've lived in one place outside of our childhood homes. Moving plays with your emotions so much that it's just a breeding ground for insanity in general.

My Loss/Their Gain said...

I moved all the time as a kid...thank you missionary parents...and I always approached every move with the feelings that you have. I know you KNOW this, but you guys will be fine. You will make friends, you will get connected again, you will learn to love the pros of your new neighborhood and ignore the cons, just like you do now. :) Good luck!!!

Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist said...

Aaaawwww. Hang in there, Manic! It is so okay to be upset about all this and of course it is going to come out at random times with random people. Sending you good thoughts!

nycgirl0501 said...

Sounds pretty normal.

Moving is stressful - the idea of it alone not to mention the PACKING & DECLUTTERING...give yourself a break...I moved to a neighborhood that is a 15 drive from my parents and you have no idea the chaos, tears, & stress...focus on the joy of your kids...they seem to be helping you through it.

eatmisery said...

Why do you have to move? Is it your husband's job that's relocating you?

Wow.

Barb said...

It can be scary ~ but it can be great also. It's a chance to start over again! Even better chance to clear out a lot of clutter. Decorate a new house. Put stuff away differently. Kids will be fine, which you already know. Think of it as an adventure. One, I can't wait to read about.... cause we'll always be right here!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

eatmis, yep, hubby's job. he's been working it since May as a consultant and now it's permanent.

Barb, been decluttering like a madwoman! Details on the weekend trip coming up in a post soon! Thanks for the support everyone! xo