Emotions are riding high, but they come at odd times. Most of the days I am fine with my friends. Maybe I mask it? I don’t know. I break down at odd times, and then feel guilty for breaking down. Nothing’s bad in my life. My husband has a job. My children do not have life-threatening illnesses. We are all healthy, we love one another, we will be taken care of. There is nothing to be afraid of. But still. I get emotional. Sad, scared, not really worried though because I believe that everything will be taken care of, but, well, maybe I do get worried. Worried that the house won’t sell, or worried the kids will get there and they won’t make friends right away, or they’ll be bored.
I break when I tell random people we’re moving for no reason at all. Like I’m OK with my friends who I see all of the time, and then I was at Tukey’s basketball game and he’s playing with all his second grade buddies and I’m video-taping and thinking, “This is the last time he will play basketball with these guys," and then I get sad. I’m sad right now writing that. Or I was at the health club and run into my next door neighbor who is great, but we never see him and I ask him if he had a chance to talk to my husband yet, and he gives me the look so I know he knows we’re moving, and then I just start to cry. And it’s not like I even talk to this guy all this much. I mean he’s a great neighbor, but not one I’m going to miss or keep in contact with. And then, a friend’s mom, who I’ve met once, tells me she knows what’s going on and how stressful it is and that she’s been praying for us, and I lose it then. I mean, how awesome is it that this woman, who only knows me because of what my friend tells her, is taking her time to pray for us and what we’re going through? That’s the kind of stuff that makes me cry and feel sad, but it’s also all this kind of stuff that makes you feel loved in the world and not alone too.
The instructor at the health club was talking to me the other day and I was explaining about the move and she asked if I’ve moved much. I told her my story:
Florida from birth to 16, then to Illinois.
Illinois to Philly from the ages of 29 to 35.
Philly to Illinois from 35 to now.
Now I will be moving to Phoenix.
The instructor, Donna, said I was creating a spiritual web. I joked that I was a Spiritual Spider. I have no idea why. Whatever. Ajers just came in and totally interrupted my train of thought and the tears. He asked if I was hormonal and emotional about the move. The kids are being great about this. Every time they see me getting teary, they come over to make sure that I’m OK and just are being great. If it weren’t for their excitement over all of this, well, I don’t know.
The realtor has been here. We are changing out our appliances to all stainless steel in the kitchen. The house should be on the market in about two weeks. We’ve been decluttering like maniacs, and I should probably be popping pills like a crack addict but I’m not.
The day the FOR SALE sign gets pounded into the ground though, all bets are off.