CHaNGe

Change.

Every day I look out my living room window at the same tree. I love this one tree in front of my house. Every day I think the same thing.

What would it be like if I took a photograph of this picture every day from this same spot and then viewed the photos. I know what I would see. I would see a barren tree, as it is practically now, with only a few yellow leaves on brown branches.

Then I would watch as winter comes, and the branches become covered with snow and ice crystals while I lay on the couch and wonder when it will all change back.

I remember not very long ago, this tree was filled with green leaves and so full my children could hide in the branches above.

There was another tree in my old house, in Pennsylvania, and we moved there in September, so I didn’t know at the time what colors it would become. So, can you imagine what it felt like in May to discover it bloomed pink? And that I actually thought when I first saw a tree like that across the street, that the neighbors had decorated their tree in pink eggs in honor of Easter?

I love the mystery of how trees change.

It’s so simple yet so crazy. They didn’t sign up for change. Yet they just accept the change, and they go with the flow, and they accept that it will happen, and that things will turn out okay from each season.

Why can’t we live like that? To just go with the flow and to know that with each passing season, everything will be okay no matter what happens?

I’ve had awesome trees in every home I’ve lived in so far. I have been able to look out my front window and have experienced amazing things, and I’ve remembered the changes and the beauty in those changes. Why can’t I be open to change and know that with every season when something new comes along, it doesn’t have to be something to be feared, but it can be something to look forward to?

SeX TaLKS aRe So MuCH FuN wiTH THe MaNiCS

So, Ajers and I had a date last night. Any time I can get him alone I like to offer a chance for us to talk, and I always ask, "Is there anything you need to know, anything at all you want to ask me?"

"Not really."

"OK," I said, and kept driving. We were going shoe shopping.

About five minutes later he decided he DID have a question.

"I do have a question!"

"OK, ask."

"Was Dad the only person you ever did it with."

Uh-oh.

I don't even think I thought about lying. I came right out and told the truth and said, "Nope."

He said, "So you did it with someone else?"

"Yep."

"When was it?"

"It wasn't until I was in college." I said. WHICH WAS TRUE BY THE WAY! Technically, it was after high school, the summer BEFORE COLLEGE, like actually TWO WEEKS BEFORE I WENT AWAY TO COLLEGE, so to me, that was COLLEGE, right!? RIGHT!

THANK GOD he didn't want to know more, like who was it, were there more than one, etc. He did however ask this:

"Was he better than Dad!?!?

WTF!!!

Here's how I answered THAT ONE:

"NO HONEY! OF COURSE NOT! Daddy is your daddy! I married Daddy! He's the father to my children and I love him very much!"

Then he asked if Daddy ever did it with anyone else and then he answered his own question by saying, "Probably with Barbie!" (which is what everyone in our whole family calls Daddy's little blonde ex-girlfriend.)

I said, "Yeah, probably with Barbie and there's NO WAY SHE WAS BETTER THAN ME SON!"

Hahah. I didn't say that last part to Ajers, but you can damn well better believe I was thinking it!

See, it's important to be open with your children. It really is.

And, when we got home, I high-tailed it to where Mr. Manic was to fill him in on the conversation so if Ajers got to him, we would be on the same page with our info! And cool thing was, he said he would have answered Ajers exactly the same way I answered his questions.

Cool parenting 101!

[P.S. I've been on a blogging rampage lately, so if you missed the post from yesterday, please stop by and read it below - it's more tame - about the tooth fairy!]

PRooF THaT i STiLL KiNDa RoCK aS a MoM

So last night at 2 a.m. Tukey came running into our room and I just figured it was cuz of more aftershock of Halloween (he was in there that night too, saying he 'couldn't sleep, but I know some stuff still scares him).

But actually last night he said, "My tooth came out!"

I was like, "Cool, mfpahsshfsdlfjlsj, get in bed." And I tossed the tooth on the nightstand. Then I got smooshed in the middle of him and Mr. Manic. Then I felt like I had to pee. Then I felt like I had to play tooth fairy. Then I felt like a shitty mom cuz the night before, AJERs ripped out his own tooth which was like his 21st baby tooth and he woke up the next morning and bitched out dad cuz there was no money under his pillow. And yes, he's 12, and proof that I've been sucking lately is that he turned 12 eight days ago and I don't even think in the almost five years I've been blogging on here I have ever missed mentioning my babies' birthdays yet I did this year. So I've been sucking as a mom!

So even though AJERs doesn't believe in the tooth fairy, by golly (yes, I did just say BY GOLLY!) he still BELIEVES IN MONEY and he wanted some! And it was NOT delivered!

So, back to last night ...

I was squished in between two of the top six men I love most in the world, and I had to pee like really really bad. You know how even if you don't have to pee like really really bad but once it's in your head even a speck, and you're thinking about it, you might as well have to pee a gallon cuz you're not gonna fall back to sleep, then you might as well get back up.

OH, and I just remembered something ELSE!

I had ALREADY smuggled two bucks under AJERS pillow BEFORE Tukey's tooth fell out so if Tukey were to get up and discover his brother had a visit from the tooth fairy but HE DIDN'T well then, THAT WOULD JUST SUCK ROYAL DONKEY BALLS, DON'T YOU THINK SO?

So, I got up to pee, stole money from Mr. Manic, cuz I'm really, really, really good at that, and threw the tooth into my nightstand (which you can tell I'm getting tired of this too, because up until now, I have every single tooth in ziplocs with the date, year, child's name, and tooth number listed on it - now they are just discarded into a draw not even knowing which kid's mouth it came from!)

I went back to bed and when I woke up this morning, I'm like, "Tukey, why are you in bed with me? Did you have another bad dream?"

Yes, I am THAT good!

"No, I LOST MY TOOTH!"

"You DID! I HAD NO IDEA! DID THE TOOTH FAIRY COME!?!?!?"

"NO! There is no money!"

"Are you sure? Did you look?"

So we looked, and WOWZERS! There is two bucks there!

He was SOOOO excited -- I STILL HAVE HIM FOOLED at EIGHT YEARS OLD!

Yes, I am THAT good!

And in case you missed Tukey's First Tooth Loss, I was THAT good back then too.

Here's a little video for you to enjoy:

HeRe'S WHaT i JuST DiD

My heart is racing out of my chest but I figured it would. Last night I met a woman in our neighborhood who gave up sugar because she kept getting these uncomfortable sores in her mouth because of sugar. (I'm not getting sores) but because she stopped eating sugar, she lost 10 pounds. I'm like, "Hey I could probably give up sugar, I don't even like it all that much, I just eat it cuz it's there. And everyone knows I could stand to lose ten twenty pounds so why not. So, in preparation for giving up sugar, kind of like how runners prep for a marathon and carb up you know? Well, in prep for that and to honor Halloween, I just had my last taste of sugar.

And no, it wasn't a mini Snickers. In fact, I didn't have a Snickers all day yesterday or today. Does that make you proud?

Nope.

In fact, I had every single Pay Day my kids brought home. But NOT every single Baby Ruth, almost though. I did have every single Take Five, cuz there weren't that many. I did have every single Heath bar, cuz there were not that many of those either. And I did snag every single Twix bar too. Man, the givers of treats were really stingy with the treats this year (says the lady who distributes Tootsie Roll pops and Air Heads).

But anyway, I am getting ready for bed and said THIS IS IT (ooh, don't forget to check out my last post about the movie, THIS IS IT, which was FAB!), and so I went into the kitchen and binged on a Baby Ruth, the last Heath and one two frosted vanilla cupcakes.

Yes TWO! Like you know how bingers just sit there and eat at the kitchen sink and think of NOTHING else but how the food tastes and how the sugar feels going down your throat and how nothing else in the world matters, and how you should so be on Oprah cuz you clearly have an eating disorder because you show all of the symptomatic psychomatic cyclical crazy obsessive signs? Right? RIGHT! You do that too? Oh.

Anyway.

You want to know the VERY VERY VERY BEST NEWS?

I threw out FOUR CUPCAKES! Just like that I tossed them into the garbage can. And NOOOOO, there was nothing wrong with them! In fact, if you must know, they were CHOCOLATE ONES! WITH CHOCOLATE FROSTING! Yes, I committed a cardinal chocolate food sin.

But, this was the first step to my own personal sugar busters plan. Will you join me?

And anyway, for some Halloween entertainment, here are a few photos from last night. While we don't live near my brother and sister in law, I have to share their costumes with you with a little back-story. Last year, they went to a bar in costume, and had no idea there was a big contest, they just love to dress up. My brother went as Michael Phelps. HE WON A TRIP TO GRAND CAYMAN! This year, he went again as Michael Phelps, but had the bong as an accessory.


Alas, he did not win this year and people were coming up to him and saying, "Dude, you SOOOO shoulda won!"

My brother pointed to the winner this year and said, "Man, no worries cuz you see that winner there? That GEICO MONEY winner? THAT'S MY WIFE!!!"


So, last year my brother won a trip to Grand Cayman for HIS COSTUME! This year, his wife won it for her costume! THey are like sooo cool!

And this year we went to our neighbor's for a party. These are our good friend's who we went to Yellowstone with. Now, if you've been reading Manic Mommy for a while, or at least since July, you may have read about our eventful trip and how I was terrified of running into a bear during the hikes and how I am not that much of a sporty person, and how my idea of a vacation is to be horizontal on a beach with a drink in hand. So, as a surprise to our friends, we showed up at their party dressed like Yellowstone campers! And I have to tell you, this is pretty much how I looked after our daily hikes in Yellowstone except for one thing ...





I wasn't smiling!

Happy Belated Halloween, and here's to safe healthy Novembers to you all!

THiS iS iT

If you've ever even liked a song or two from Michael Jackson, you will want to see this movie. Oh.My.God. The dude is AMAZING. AMAZING! What a freaking performer. We were only halfway through the movie and I was like, "I already want to see this movie again to see the dancing and performing and singing all over again."

I feel so badly for the guy. He didn't look sick. He didn't look malnourished. He didn't look like a freak. Heck, look at all those other performers out there. Look at Lady Guy Guy for crying out loud! Look at Marilyn Manson! Look at all those freak performers out there. Michael didn't even look weird in this movie. He looked like a gentle humble kinda guy just wanting to perform his best for an audience of people who love his music.

And he didn't get a chance to.

And Kenny Ortega, director. He did the High School Musical movies, and we all know how much I LOVED those. He's an amazing dude too, and you can tell in THIS IS IT that he and Michael had a great friendship. I'm sure he was devastated at the death of Michael.

In the beginning of the movie, they show the audition for dancers. These people traveled all over the world for a chance to dance behind Michael. What a dream. I think how they were given a life changing chance, and they didn't even get to see it through. What would it had been like to go on tour with Michael Jackson as a backup dancer, or a singer for Michael Jackson. To be hand-picked by the King of Pop?

And as I watched, I just kept wondering how Michael Jackson had changed these people's lives? There was a woman back-up singer who sang a ballad with Michael, and now I can't remember which one it was (I could google but am lazy), but I watched her and I'm thinking, "How could she not be DYING to be singing with Michael; how was she not so worried that she might miss a note and screw up?" Also an awesome blonde female guitarist rocked it when Michael sang Black or White. Did she ever think when she first picked up the guitar for the first time that she would one day be on stage playing an instrument so that Michael Jackson could sing to it? Just amazing!

And now the guy is dead.

And yeah, he was weird for a while. Why he was weird, we don't really know? Maybe he was weird cuz he was in the spotlight for his whole life. Maybe it was cuz his dad pimped him out to the paparazzi. Maybe he was abused and beaten down as a kid. Maybe he had strange relationships with young children. Who knows. We don't know for sure what happened. We will never know. All we do know is that he was an extremely talented gracious humble man who lent his talents to this world.

And that he inspired millions with his music.

Go see the movie. In memory of Michael. It's really worth it.

FiGuRiNG STuFF ouT

This is the longest stretch I have gone in almost 5 years without blogging, and I don't really know why other than I'm trying to figure stuff out. What kind of stuff I don't know. I don't know if people even come here anymore to read or what the point is of this blog. I fear my kids are too old now to make them the focus of this blog, and the really deep thoughts are thoughts that are unsharable. Not bad thoughts, just introspective thoughts. I have said it a million times on here that I need to get working on my second novel and maybe if I put the blog aside and do that, then I'll be DOING THAT and not just blogging about doing that.

See, again, I still don't even know what I'm saying here. And things have happened where I'm like, "Oh, that would make for an interesting blog post" but then the moment passes and it's gone, and not that important anymore. I'm just thinking about being rather than doing, if that makes any sense. None of it makes any sense actually. I don't know what I'm trying to figure out. Nothing really. No need to comment. I'm just here. Trying to figure out the shit I'm not sure I need to figure out, and if there's really anything I do need to figure out.

DiVa HeaRTS

You all know how much I love my 10-year-old daughter, Diva (Of course, I have to remind you all that I have a daughter, and that she's 10 since it's been forever and a day since I've blogged). So, like AJers did in fifth grade, today is Diva's day to go to outdoor education with her class for an overnight.

Overnight.

Now, it was a little emotional to send AJers off last year, and I wrote about that experience here.

With Diva, well, she's my girl, and while I don't think I play favorites, it just seemed weird to send her off. She was telling me she was anxious both ways - excited and nervous, and how she was going to miss me, and what if she woke up in the middle of the night wanting me. That kind of stuff - the stuff you don't get with boys. And yeah, I'm sure I coddle her more than the boys, but she's a different kind of person. She needs affirmation and attention (gee, wonder where she gets THOSE traits from?).

Anyway, she woke up this a.m. happy as could be, even saying, "I don't think I've ever gotten up on a Monday when I haven't been crabby." (Maybe we need Outdoor Ed EVERY Monday!)

She had her bags packed and I was taking her to the school for their trip (which is only about an hour away) and I had a good idea, which I think she and I had done before.

"Let's put hearts on our wrists so every time you see it, you know I'm thinking of you, and every time I see mine, I know you're thinking of me! (I just looked at mine again!)

So, we Sharpied on two red hearts (when did Sharpie become a verb?), and smooshed them together like a heart/wrist kiss. On our way to school I told her that when she's 18, if she still loves me like she does now, I will take her and we will get matching tattoo hearts on our wrists. That's just in 8 short years. I kinda hope she would want to do this with me. Just me and my daughter, two wrist-hearts to remind us how much we love each other.

And then I also told her that after she has the real tattoo, if she ever gets pissed at me, she can always Sharpie a black line through it for a couple days!

So, Diva's gone to Outdoor Ed until tomorrow afternoon, but she knows I'm thinking of her and that I love her so very much.

Because of this:



Have fun Diva Girl!